How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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