The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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