Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
