I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
