What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
