dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so let's talk penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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