I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
