Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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