a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
