Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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