Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
