I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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