I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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