dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
