I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So squirting runs in the family.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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