she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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