I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
