Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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