I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize