then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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