I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
