Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize
