yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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