She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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