Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
soo... how was my night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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