oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
