i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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