If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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