all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
