I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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