So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
