i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
