Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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