Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
