So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
