i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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