Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Enjoy the penises
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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