Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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