loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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