Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
