youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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