Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
