Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
