dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
pray to the hookup gods
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
