I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
