just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
