You smell like stripper and shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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