the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
