I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
