I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
