i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
