Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
