At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
