I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think we might need a safe word for this...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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