dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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