Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
