you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
