Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
