"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
