Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
