Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
