I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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