you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
