Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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