It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
