Welp...herpes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
