You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
