Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
