We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
