Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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