He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
