Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
