I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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