Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
