My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
