Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
