That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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